The Start of a new Beginning

I know most of you are expecting to open the blog and read about our family departing on our maiden voyage to Texas.  Unfortunately, that is not the New Beginning I’m about to share with you.

After I published my last blog, Jonathan took a drastic turn for the worse.  By Sunday evening he had begun to start coughing up fluid.  Pink frothy fluid.  No he didn’t have pink juice or raspberries.  The pink is an indication that there is blood mixing with fluid in his lungs.  We had his CT scheduled for Monday that the Texas Dr. needed.  However we actually urgently needed as well.  The CT showed that Jonathan’s left lung was filling significantly with fluid.  We overnight mailed the images to Texas and scheduled Jonathan to have his lung drained the next day.  On Tuesday they drained 1.5 liters of fluid from Jonathan’s left lung.  On Wednesday we met with our oncologist to talk about Texas and what he thinks is happening at this point.  Unfortunately, our conversation wasn’t a positive one, however it was what we were somewhat expecting. 

The color of the fluid indicates that the fluid is coming from the cancer.  The bloodier in color it is, the more progressed the disease is.  As they drain the fluid, the cancer will most likely continue to grow and just produce more fluid faster.  He felt in Jonathan’s current state, it would be unsafe to travel across the country.  We pushed him to tell us how long he thought Jonathan has.  His answer… a few weeks.  His advice was to make Jonathan comfortable and that the risks of him traveling vs. the gain was not worth it.  After leaving that appointment we called the Dr. in Texas to get another opinion.  She said that she isn’t going to tell us we can’t come.  However she recommends that we also just make Jonathan comfortable.  The consideration of Jonathan Dying in Texas, or possibly experiencing something horrible while on the road in the middle of Wyoming didn’t seem like a good idea.  She said the tumor in his hip has become absolutely massive.  She felt that the treatment would not even be effective in a tumor that size now anyway.  But If the fluid does not return and Jonathan becomes more stable, she said to come down.  She will keep his T-Cells frozen until she is told otherwise. 

So we did not load the RV on Thursday and we did not leave for Houston this morning.  I heard Jonathan tell my dad that it looks like this is going to be the beginning of the end.  But we both know that for him it is really the start to a new beginning, not an end.  Jonathan has had the most amazing 6 months that anyone could really ever have.  When we decided quality of life over chemo=quantity of life, we knew that most likely this day would come.  We went to New York and had the time of our life.  Field seats to the Seahawks game.  Jonathan had a golfers dream trip to Pebble Beach and Cypress.  He knocked off 2 more bucket list items in Hawaii with our boys.  Most people will live through their 70’s and never experience what we did in the last 6 months.  We have no regrets!  We are not questioning the decisions we made.  We are at peace.  Really the boys and I get the short end of the straw.  Jonathan got to have a great 6 months and then he gets to go hang with Jesus in an even better paradise. 

We are still very sad and have major worries and concerns.  How is this going to go?  I do not want Jonathan to be in pain.  How much of this do we expose our children to?  How in the world do I tell them that their daddy has died?  I’m going be alone and without my best friend.  There are going to be about a million times that these boys are really just going to need their dad.  How could that not absolutely break your heart.  But we will be ok.

Jonathan had another X-Ray today.  The fluid is already building again.  He will be getting a permanent chest tube on Monday we think.  This will allow me to drain fluid off his lungs daily to help him stay comfortable.  We will most likely be entering into hospice care by the middle to end of next week after we get that chest tube done.  At this time, we are ok with some quick scheduled visit if you feel like you were close with Jonathan and want to come say hi.  We just have one request, your visit needs to be filled with laughter, not tears.  As he progresses, I think I will be asking for no guests and will want to soak up the seconds we have left just the two of us.  I think Nikki will be posting some more food sign ups again soon if you feel like that would be a way to help.  Thank you for praying for our family in this difficult time. 

To add some laughter to this very difficult blog, I thought I would share a story.  Yesterday our cousin Ryan and good friend Tyler drove over from the Tri-Cities to visit.  The guys were teasing Jonathan about the massive size of the tumor and that he was developing a figure comparative to Beyonce.  The conversation developed to a point where Jonathan was actually up out of bed attempting to twerk.  The laughter was exactly what we needed!