What does normal look like with Cancer?

I have no idea what normal looks like when it comes to cancer, but this week has been as close to normal life as we've had for a while.  After jonathan came home from our unexpected stay at the hospital, he was feeling much better! He didn't have nausea, his dry mouth was way better and most importantly, he was eating!  The boys loved having "normal" daddy back.  He was able to spend some time playing baseball with the boys, He helped Jude learn how to Slip N' Slide, And Jon introduced Jax to the Ninja Turtle sequal... The secret of the Ooze.  (circa 1991)  He quickly learned this was a mistake as Jax wants to watch it about 3 times a day.

We were able to come get the boys from my parents.  Jon was totally fine in the car.  The boys had a great week going to the Demo derby, Rodeo, and fair.  It felt wonderful to finally have everyone for the most part feeling pretty good.  The only huge issue Jon was having is leg pain.  He is actually having quite a bit of pain in the location of the tumor.  The doctor said that most likely the cause of pain is necrosis of the tumor, or the tumor beginning to die.  As it shrinks, it begins to expose nerves which causes him shooting pain.  So it isn't an uncommon thing for him to stop dead in his tracks and just cringe in pain, and then it gets better.

On Wednesday morning we checked back into the hospital to start his next round of chemo.  This is a third type of chemo and so once again the unknown is a little scary.  This stuff is suppose to be a bit harder, but we shall see how he manages it.  As of today he seems far better then he did with the last 2 types.  I have advocated for some better/different options on medications.  So nausea seems to be under control and he is not getting the dry mouth.  This time we were a bit more prepared though... (Thanks Dana).  A big side effect that we are waiting for is severe mouth sores.  This hasn't happened yet though... staying hopeful.  Jonathan is able to eat these yummy dinners being brought to us since he is managing the nausea.  He can not thank you enough!  He is getting really stir crazy being stuck in the hospital room.  They won't allow him to go for a short walk or anything.  He keeps threatening the nurses that he is going to take his IV pump and use it as a skateboard in the hallway.  So I snuck a picture of his regular wall push up session...


A huge blessing that we are so grateful for is the amount of help we are getting with the kids.  My aunt Linda and ucle Frank have driven up for Oregon and are spending the week.  It is so incredible, we have had family members all volunteer for a week or 2, and we are actually covered all the way through Jon's surgery in October.  For those of you locally that are offering to help, please don't think I'm blowing you off, I'm just covered for a while.  It gives us such a huge peace of mind to know we don't have to worry about the kids for a while.

Jude is really starting to struggle with daddy being gone.  The night before daddy left to the hospital he was waking with something like night terrors.  He was screaming out for daddy but wasn't really awake.  This happened a couple of times before we decided to just let him sleep with daddy.  The next night when daddy was actually gone he had me awake wanting daddy again.  So I let the little washing machine sleeper in bed again.  Thankfully I think he is adjusting and we got him to stay in bed last night.  He is beginning to attach to uncle Frank and so that is helping.  But he really needed to see his daddy... So we arranged a special visit!

He wasn't shy about jumping right up in bed with daddy and getting some really good snuggles in.  It kind of melts your heart a little...

The only problem is this snuggle doesn't last too long before our little busy bee is into everything!  They decided to play Dr. Raj and check each other's blood pressure, give daddy rides on his bed and "accidentally" call the nurse a few times.

Jax is really being our little trooper.  He hasn't been showing too many signs of stress over our current life circumstance, however he is asking lots of questions about death.  He wants to read the bible stories about Jesus dying etc. and this is new behavior... I did finally get to spend some time with a family life specialist and talk about parenting kids going through something like this.  It is sad to learn that kids really are always thinking about the worst possible outcome.  It is crazy how much they actually do understand!  So I'm glad I got some time to chat with a therapist and learn some stuff to help the boys.  But I think mostly they are hanging in there pretty good, and I'm doing my very best to prepare and support them.

We get a lot of people in conversation talking about why or how could this happen?  People believe different things when it comes to a question like that, but we are really trying not to focus on that.  We know God's purpose is never to harm, we are just trying to be patient and open to learn what his purpose will be.  This week in my quiet time I was spending some time focusing on prayer.  I've been doing a lot more of that lately and this devotional was really focused on the state of your heart while praying.  I listened to a pod cast Jonathan's aunt Tammi sent us last week and it was discussing a lot of the why and how.  But it did touch on an idea that hasn't really occured to me.  I think for people of a catholic faith, this may be a less foreign concept, but using your suffering in prayer as a sacrifice for others.  This idea would really speak to the state of your heart to do something like this which was what my devotional was focusing on.  I think we all can be selfish people, and me just asking to get this over with and let us have "Normal" back would be a very different place than asking to use the suffering for a good purpose.  So this week, we are focusing on a heart check, and praying with the right motives.

Prayer requests: 1. Jonathan's Leg Pain, we think this is probably a good thing, but still painful none the less.  2. He is asking to pray for patients.  He is absolutely stir crazy, and we are just at week 1 of almost 3 straight weeks in the hospital.  3.  The boys and they are adjusting to this years "normal".  4. You wouldn't think it is so tiring to sit in the hospital all day every day, but it kind of is exhausting!  I need more restful sleep and to stay healthy and not become too exhausted from this.
Praise: 1. Jonathan seems to be handling this type of chemo fairly well.  AMEN!  Lets pray this stay this way.  2. Wonderful help with the kids  3. Wonderful friends that bring food and coffee... Jonathan's coffee girl Amber from Thomas Hammer even came to see him.  (that says a lot about that sweet girl!)  4. Great nurses!

Our food sign up sheet is full right now, Check back in 2 weeks, I'll probably have Nikki post our next few weeks of treatment coming in september/october.  And don't forget the car wash on the 6th!  Thank you so much to all of you that are doing this to help us.  I guess there is now a bake sale, BBQ and a car wash!  This is amazing and we are so humbled by peoples generosity.